Album Scrizzapped, New EP on the Way

It has been a long, hard journey from January to now, and several new developments have taken place in the Jenkins camp.

Back in February, Bill had a massive split with his producer, Medium Lite. Although now Lite denies any problems, word has it that he had tried to put the mizzy on Bill's damie Shanice. It was a very traumatic time for Bill, as he lost his producer, his girl, and eventually his bid for office...

After the incident, Bill became disinterested in recording Tha 'Lection; he felt that his rhymes were flat, and that the beats were weak. So he scrapped the record. Also, by that time, he had become disinterested with running for office. Putting all of his attention on the record caused him to fall behind in the polls, and so he chose to put it off for a while. But now...

The Jenkins in back. Armed with a fresh batch of songs, Bill and Big Dolomite (and sometimes Jeff Jr.) have formed No Taxes, a hard-edged, beat-stealing, kid-poetry-rapping group ready to punch your grandma in the face.

No Taxes' debut, Audit Dis dropped June 8. It features such instant classics as "Shot Him in the Face," "Hol' Up," and "Dress Her in Indigo."

For more info, check out No Taxes' website here.

Record Release News

The Jenkins Staff is proud to annouce that next Tuesday, February 8, 2005, you will be able to purchase the great Bill Jenkins' minor label debut Tha 'Lection at Ham's Records on North 2nd street.

Featuring tracks such as "I'ma Win this Mutha," "This is fo' Yo' Mama an' Yo' Daddy," and "I ain't Blacks, but I Raps Like I Could Be," Tha 'Lection is one of the most hard-hitting, inspirational, educational, and procreational records ever to come out of the world of rap music. While the Jenkins is all about mo' money and mo' Jolly Ranchers, he also makes a point to have one really political song just to make his feelings on the issues that face our children known. That track, "I Don't Like the Gubment in My Bidness," has already taken on a life of its own after somehow being leaked out on the internet.

Along with the record's release, Bill Jenkins will be performing several dates in the next couple of weeks to both promote the record and push his candidacy for office. Tour dates will be announced next week.

In loving memory of Andrew Bates, 1977-2004

Tragedy in the Jenkins' Camp

We here at Team Jenkins want to send our heartfelt condolences to the family of Andrew Bartholomew Bates, who died yesterday in a tragic ice fishing accident. Andrew was the graphic design artist both for Jenkins' campaign and his record promotion. He was responsible for the slogan "Revolution is What's for Dinner." A slogan which will now never get to be used because Andrew is dead.

Thank you.

Christmas Time on the Campaign Trail (Mix)

The season is upon us again, and just like last year Bill Jenkins is on a roll selling his semi-world famous trail mix. Bill's recipe is a special one made up of all the usual trail mix ingredients, but containing a secret family ingredient that has never been revealed. And although it has been known to cause violent nausea and internal bleeding in several cases, it is the best darn trail mix you'll ever lay your tongue to.

The past couple of weeks, Mr. Jenkins has been relaxing a bit with his family in Monroe, playing golf, jogging, and also laying down some tracks for his forthcoming EP "Tha 'Lection." Mr. Jenkins hopes for one of the tracks, "I'ma Win this Mutha," to be released on local radio sometime early next year. More word on that as it develops.

But for all the downtime from the campaign, Mr. Jenkins has not forgotten his mission: to rule the known world through bizarre political revolution. So, this Christmas don't forget to keep hope in the human spirit alive, and Vote Bill Jenkins!

What is the Hazarding?

In 1999, Bill Jenkins was involved in a brief, but violent scuffle outside of a New Orleans Denny's. During the fight, Mr. Jenkins was stabbed twice, and suffered from mild spittle shrapnel to the eye. A Monroe man, Michael Ellis, was arrested for the attack, the details of which have always been a mystery, apparently even to Mr. Jenkins himself. Last week, however, due to the press reports linking Ellis' release from the psychiatric ward of St. Howard's Hospital to the Jenkins campaign, the internet was aflame with blog posts and news reports referring to Mr. Jenkins, the attack, and something cryptically referred to as The Hazarding.

Since we know who Bill Jenkins is, and more or less know who about Ellis, we focused all of our attention on The Hazarding in hopes of clearing up this mystery. Is it a thing? An event? A person? The questions flew Tuesday morning, as we all worked diligently at our computers, swimming through pop-up ads and false leads to find the truth, a version of which we will now give you.

In 1998, as Bill Jenkins' rap career was just starting to take off, he recorded several sessions in the Mint House studios in Monroe, LA. Working as an engineer at several of those sessions was 21 year old Michael Ellis, a local man trying to forge his own career in music. After many of the sessions, the crew, including Jenkins and Ellis, would hang out, and Jenkins and Ellis became acquaintances, sometimes hanging out even outside of work.

Around that same time, it was reported in several local newspapers that there had been a rash of puppets stolen from toy stores, playhouses, and daycare centers. Some of the puppets would turn up dismembered, others would disappear completely, and there was never any information concerning who stole them or why.

One night, leaving the studio late after a long night of recording, Ellis mysteriously disappeared on the way out to his car. He was not heard from until three days later, when he showed up at a local restaraunt, naked and screaming about the genius of The Hazarding. People who knew Ellis and his guerilla tactics assumed this was a marketing technique, and that he was raging on about some hot new hip hop artist. They could not have been more wrong.

The Hazarding, according to Ellis' official police statement, happened to Ellis while trapped in the vortex that swallowed him upon leaving Mint House that night. A quote from Ellis' police statement read, "...From the future. They were kids, all of 'em were kids, and they were screaming. They told me to burn his tapes, and I promised them I would. I will. They said his words were stupid, and that he wasn't a good rapper, and that in the future his words would kill people...hurt people bad, and they kept sayin' legislation, and I don't even know nothing about that, but they were sayin' it loud and a bunch of times...they told me to kill him. I ain't want to, but that's what they kept tellin' me, 'Kill Jenkins, kill Jenkins, kill Jenkins.' That's what they said, sounded like a broke tape with dead people's voices." So, it was nearly a year later before Ellis headed to New Orleans, knowing Jenkins was there working, and attacked him.

While conspiracy theories abound concerning the specifics of The Hazarding and the references to children and "legislation," the meaning seems to be obvious. There can be no definitive evidence, because either Ellis is a nut job, or we're all going to have to visit the vortex. It can only be assumed that Ellis is still a threat to Jenkins. Because of this uproar and the release of Michael Ellis, Mr. Jenkins has been residing at a secret location until things die down, or until the police can make up a reason to arrest Ellis.

More news to come on this and other Jenkins events.

The Road to the Office

It was announced last night on CNN that Bill Jenkins would be making stops throughout the Midwest in the coming months. How exciting that the campaign has attracted so much attention!

One thing that CNN attributed the campaign's success to was its unconventional tactics, specifically Mr. Jenkins' poetry readings, along with his musical and spoken word performances at his public appearances.

Much of the last week was spent in the Northeast, particularly the beautiful and boring state of Delaware. What was supposed to be a one day visit turned into three days after Mr. Jenkins found that he had much in common with the people and their newly erected multi-level go-cart track.

There was also an extensive debate regarding a certain "hot button" issue. Apparently, the people of Delaware are making huge advances in technology, and are on the verge of being able to transplant a healthy brain into a robot body. This procedure would be of special interest to the elderly and terminally ill. The ethical debate raged on for most of Tuesday afternoon, until Mr. Jenkins changed the subject to the need for more theme parks in the beautiful state of Delaware, as well as his proposal to unite New England as one state, technically making it the fifty-first state, while actually subtracting a number of states from the national total to make it somehwere closer to the fourty-fourth state. This is all part of Mr. Jenkins' larger plan to eventually have New England secede from the rest of the country.

Hope to see you all soon!

The Issues

Lately many of you have contacted us with questions concerning Mr. Jenkins' stand on the issues. You seem to express deep concern for these issues, and this is something that both confuses us and makes us extremely happy.

Mr. Jenkins would like to take this opportunity to personally address a few of these issues to hopefully either put your mind at ease, or make you mad enough to want him dead. Either way, he is affecting you, and it is this ability that makes Bill Jenkins the right man for the job: the ability to forever change your life!

Each issue will be presented, followed by Mr. Jenkins' personally written response.

Health Care
I definitely believe that sick people need doctors. However, doctors can only do so much; sometimes it's just time for people to die. It's not something I'm comfortable with, that's just the way it's always been. But to answer the question: Yes. Health care.

Homeland Security
I'm not running for president so I don't really see how this concerns me, but here goes. I believe that people should not have to worry about being safe in their own beds. I advocate heavier locks and am willing to mail out personalized "Posted" signs for each household if necessary.

Taxes
I personally hate taxes, but that's just me. The rest of you should definitely pay them, because let's face it, without them this country would be poor. I will raise the taxes, but I won't jack them out the roof. I mean, I can't govern a bunch of people who can't afford to eat. I can't govern starving people.

Dwarves
They creep me out, pure and simple. Human? Yes. Equal to everyone else? No way.

Jobs
Never had one myself, but as far as giving more of them to you goes, definitely. If you can't find a job, we will make jobs that will find you. Don't sweat it.

Welfare
I care for the welfare of all my people. I don't want any of you to be hurt, or maimed, or tortured because you are all my special little cupcakes. I just wanted to get that out of the way now, so you would know how I feel about you. I will watch out for your welfare.

Affirmative Action
While some people say what the president has done in Iraq is bad, I applaud him for taking affirmative action. It has to be done whenever other people are stupid. You have to act affirmatively.

We here at the Jenkins Staff would like to say thanks to Mr. Jenkins for working with us on this message, and we hope to hear from him again soon.

Stay tuned in to the website for more news and information in the coming days!